New Movie Roundup July 26 – Aug 1

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The To Do List

Directed by: Maggie Carey

Rating: 3 1/2 out of 5

Release date: July 26, 2013

The To Do List is a sweet, raunchy movie about a horny young woman trying to learning everything there is to know about sex while navigating her life circa 1993. This period-piece comedy gives today’s youth a nice peek into a world without iPhones and the internet. Oh noes! Brandy Klark (Aubrey Plaza) is the class valedictorian yet she is clueless about sex. Her BFFs Amber (Alia Shawkat) and Wendy (Sarah Steele) encourage her to study up all summer because college guys don’t like virgins. Brandy quizzes her experienced older sister (Rachel Bilson) who fills her in with graphic detail. Brandy begins her summer sex journey at the pool with her study buddy Cameron (Johnny Simmons ) with her eyes on screwing the college-age lifeguard hunk Rusty Waters (Scott Porter). She suffers all sorts of indignities and humiliations on her journey towards nailing Rusty. There are plenty of laughs and outrageous moments that will stick in your brain for way to long. The film also features Bill Hader, Andy Samberg and Christopher Mintz-Plasse.

Read the rest of the column @ 303 MAGAZINE

TIG NOTARO LIVE “To Keep Not Dying” (2012)

Listened to this show last night when I was feel pretty depressed. Holy shit snacks! Tig put me right in my place with her amazing set about her getting cancer! This is one of the best sets of comedy I’ve ever heard. Tragedy + time = comedy. Tig is still at tragedy during this set yet she manages to wring huge doses of humor in the face of the indifferent monster known as cancer.

Please, do yourself a favor & buy this set. It’s five bucks FFS.

If might words aren’t enough, here’s what Louis C.K. had to say about it last year:

Message from Louis C.K.

Greetings to the people and parts of people that are reading this. Hi. This is Louis. I’m a comedian and you bought a thing from me. Well, I’m writing to tell You that there is a new thing you can buy on my website louisck.com. It’s an audio standup set by not me but another comedian named Tig Notaro. Why am I selling someone else’s comedy on my website?

Well, Tig is a friend of mine and she is very funny. I love her voice on stage. One night I was performing at a club in LA called Largo. Tig was there. She was about to go on stage. I hadn’t seen Tig in about a year and I said how are you? She replied “well I found out today that I have cancer in both breasts and that it has likely spread to my lymph nodes. My doctor says it looks real bad. “. She wasn’t kidding. I said “uh. Jesus. Tig. Well. Do you… Have your family… Helping?”. She said “well my mom was with me but a few weeks ago she fell down, hit her head and she died”. She still wasn’t kidding.

Now, I’m pretty stupid to begin with, and I sure didn’t know what to say now. I opened my mouth and this came out. “jeez, Tig. I. Really value you. Highly.”. She said “I value you highly too, Louie.”. Then she held up a wad of note-paper in her hand and said “I’m gonna talk about all of it on stage now. It’s probably going to be a mess”. I said “wow”. And with that, she went on stage.

I stood in the wings behind a leg of curtain, about 8 feet from her, and watched her tell a stunned audience “hi. I have cancer. Just found out today. I’m going to die soon”. What followed was one of the greatest standup performances I ever saw. I can’t really describe it but I was crying and laughing and listening like never in my life. Here was this small woman standing alone against death and simply reporting where her mind had been and what had happened and employing her gorgeously acute standup voice to her own death.

The show was an amazing example of what comedy can be. A way to visit your worst fears and laugh at them. Tig took us to a scary place and made us laugh there. Not by distracting us from the terror but by looking right at it and just turning to us and saying “wow. Right?”. She proved that everything is funny. And has to be. And she could only do this by giving us her own death as an example. So generous.

After her set, I asked Mark Flanagan, the owner of Largo (great club, by the way) if he recorded the set. Largo is set up for excellent recordings. He said that he did.

A few days later, I wrote Tig and asked her if I could release this set on my site. I wanted people to hear what I saw. What we all saw that night. She agreed. The show is on sale for the same 5 dollars I charge for my stuff. I’m only keeping 1. She gets the other 4. Tig has decided to give some of that to cancer research.

Tig, by the way, has since undergone a double mastectomy. She is doing well. Her doctors say her chances of survival are excellent. So she went there and came back. Her report from the frontlines of life and death are here for you to… Enjoy.

Please go to my site louisck.com and buy her show.  You can buy it HERE. (You can now buy it thru iTunes. Link is correct)
Thank you. Have a terrific afternoon.

Louis C.K.

Like you need anymore convincing than that, right?

THE TO DO LIST – Review

Me So Horny

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“Sittin’ at home with my dick on hard” are the first words you here as the titles roll for opening The To Do List. Using the 2 Live Crew classic “Me So Horny” lets the audience know that the movie means business, raunchy, dirty business. Anyone who was a teen in the late 80’s/early 90’s range will remember 2 Live Crew’s controversial album As Nasty As They Wanna Be as the first album to be ruled legally obscene. This designation meant that everyone had to hear it, c’mon, it’s been banned, it has to be great, right? I can still remember when a friend of mine got the tape, man we were fucking excited to hear it until we noticed that he got the “clean” version. WTF? Big letdown until his older brother was persuaded to head to Musicland and buy the right one. I can still remember listening to the songs and being confused as hell as to what they were talking about. The movie had me when I heard this memorable line:

Put your lips on my dick and suck my asshole too.

The To Do List is set in that magical pre-Internet world of 1993 in America. Brandy Klark (Aubrey Plaza) is the class valedictorian of her Boise, Idaho high school. She is the model student and daughter, straight A’s, perfect attendance and heading off to a good college. The Brandy learns that being a sexual inexperienced virgin in college will be a huge setback for her. She needs to cram for her sex ed class which will begin the day she steps foot on campus. Brandy, being the industrious, hard-working student that she is, makes a To Do List of all of the sexual activities that she needs to learn and master before college.

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Brandy seeks advice from her sexually-advanced older sister Amber (Rachel Bilson) who fills her in with her own unique brand of advice. Brandy receives full support from her two BFFs Fiona (Alia Shawkat) and Wendy (Sarah Steele) who have been waiting for her to get her head out of books long enough to give a bj. Brandy starts first with her study buddy Cameron (Johnny Simmons) who is in full-on Parker Lewis Can’t Lose mode with baggy faux-silk shirt and floppy hairdo. Cameron was stuck in friend zone with Brandy, so he’s more than happy for a buttery hand-job in the cinema. Brandy is content to fool around with him although she has her sights set on the older hunk Rusty Waters (Scott Porter). Brandy, Cameron and Rusty are all lifeguards at the pool which is managed, using that word loosely, by old burnout Willy (Bill Hader).

The pool becomes Brandy’s sexual battleground as she is forced to endure many humiliations and insults on her summer-long journey to discover the Joys of Sex. The humiliations are bad too, especially the early reference to Caddyshack‘s infamous Baby Ruth scene takes the joke to its rather disgusting premise. Brandy, always the trooper, suffers it all with aplomb, meticulously keeping track on her list. She branches out to almost every available guy while fending off Cameron just long enough to lure in Rusty with her awkward charms. As the summer nears its end, Brandy frantically races to lose her virginity. The movie ends on a satisfying note, one that in it’s raunchy way is sweet & charming.

To Do List

The 1993 setting allows The To Do List plenty of easy gags as young people today get to laugh at how stupid their parent’s generation was. Look at their clothes! OMG they don’t even have cell phones or the internet? Ha ha ha. Call-waiting was a big deal? Ha ha ha, how stupid! Laugh it up young folks, there’s no possible way that iPhone that never leaves your hand will age, right? Looking back twenty years from now,  how do you think you will be looked at? Ah the arrogance of youth. As someone who graduated in the same year as Brandy I would like to applaud first-time feature film writer/director Maggie Carey for capturing the feel of the early 90’s without pandering to easy stereotypes.

The To Do List is a combination of the sweetness of American Pie with e the gross-out tactics of the Farrelly Brother’s gem There’s Something About Mary. The movie also flat-out refused to make every character completely sympathetic or unsympathetic, case-in-point being sister Amber and Willy. They are basically assholes to Brandy for most of the film yet they eventually help her out. The film didn’t fall back on the usual man-saves-the-day like Bridesmaids and many other movies for women that are saved by men.

KUBRICK’S FILMS RANKED

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1. (TIE) Barry Lyndon

1. 2001

1. Paths of Glory

1. The Killing

1. Dr. Stangelove

1. Eyes Wide Shut

1. The Shining

1. Lolita

1. A Clockwork Orange

1. Killer’s Kiss

1. Full Metal Jacket

1. Spartacus

1. Fear and Desire

1. The Seafarers

They are ALL tied for first.

I cannot chose a real ranking because as the years go by I change my mind.

That said, BARRY LYNDON is my true favorite.

SNOWPIERCER – TRAILER

Snowpiercer is a high-end sci-fi, dystopian film from Korean filmmaker Bong Joon-Ho (The Host)

Class warfare on a train.

Man there is some amazing sci-fi movies still to come this year – Elysium, Gravity – being the two biggest one.

Woot, woot.

THE HEART, SHE HOLLER – ADULT SWIM

This teaser reel shows the highlights of the second season of the  tv show The Heart, She Holler which appears as if it’s from some fever dream from Patton Oswalt’s skull. For those who want to catch up on season one, head click HERE. The show stars Oswalt, Heather Lawless, Joe Urba, Kristen Schaal, and many others.

Patton described the show on the Kevin &  Bean Show:

Think of the worst Los Feliz or Williamsburg hipster, and then think of what they think “The South” is. Give them bath salts, and tell them to describe it, and that’s what this show is.

Wow.

6-part mini-series coming in November from the normal, boring ol’ folks down at Adult Swim.

NEW MOVIE IDEAS #1 – THIS SUCKS

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We’ve been working on screenplays ideas for a few years here @ Smokin Monkey HQ. Now it’s time for some feedback, suggestions & ideas from all of our faithful & loyal readers. This will be a weekly column where an idea or a pitch is covered.

Please, feel free to send these ideas & pitches to anyone you may know who works in story development & acquisitions for any production companies & studios. If you work in the industry, then by all means reach out to us.

All stories & pitches are copyrighted by Smokin Monkey & specific authors. Don’t steal our work, buy it for an inexpensive price and help some of our writers out with some financial support so they can continue to work on new ideas.

Contact us via email – kdringg@gmail.com or Twitter (@kdringg)

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Title – THIS SUCKS

Logline – Twilight as written by Kafka

Plot – A group of young-looking vampires are bored. Really, really bored with their lives. They have hit the wall with the whole vampire immortality thing. They are tired of looking like they are 21, regardless of how much it helps them get laid. They need to escape the existential nightmare of their lives. In short, they want to be human. They want to grow old, experience the pains & joys of aging and above all they want one thing more than anything in the world – they want to die.

THIS SUCKS takes the still ridiculously popular vampire genre and flips it on its head. The story is not about humans who dream about becoming a cool, sexy vampire. It is about all of those long, long stretches of time that vampire must fill up with something.

thissucks

Courtesy of DreamWorks

Please leave any and all feedback in the comments.

New Movie Roundup 7/19-7/25

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The Conjuring is the scariest movie of the year so far, easily one of the scariest in a long time. James Wan’s newest horror film is based on a true story from the legendary case files of Paranormal investigators Ed (Patrick Wilson) and Lorraine Warren (Vera Farmiga). The Conjuring is set in 1971 and it’s based on the Perron family who bought an old haunted house in Rhode Island. Roger Perron (Ron Livingston) and his wife Carolyn (Lili Taylor) along with their five daughters are looking to start a new life in their big house. The only problem is that there’s dark forces that have invested the house, so much for realtor disclosures! What starts as a bump in the night turns into a full-blown haunting.

Slide on over to 303MAGAZINE to read the rest of the column

GIRL MOST LIKELY – REVIEW

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Let me get this out of the way, I love Kristen Wiig and think she is one of the funniest human beings alive today. When she was able to capitalize on her Bridesmaids success by getting to develop her passion project, Imogene, excitement ran high. After leaving SNL, Wiig is set to become a movie star. Then Imogene had it’s world premiere at last year’s Toronto International Film Festival. The reviews were mostly brutal. It’s a big festival with movies from all over the world, maybe it just didn’t go over well. Then several months went by without any sign of a release date over the holidays. In December, it was finally announced that the movie’s new title was Girl Most Likely and a release date of July 19th was set. It’s usually not a good sign when these things happen.

The movie is a big, damn mess. No wonder they renamed it.

Read the rest of the review @ DONNYBROOK WRITING ACADEMY