REVIEW – Snow White and the Hunstman

 Snow White and the Huntsman – Saw it at the gritty-yet-wonderful 2nd run cinema Elvis Cinema – Tiffany Plaza 6 and saw about 20 minutes of it last weekend at 88Drive-In out in CCity – it was the 2nd flick of a triple-header which was so crazy packed that we had a terrible parking spot near the back and were told to “scramble like crazy” after the first movie (Madagascar 3) ended to find a proper spot. Didn’t happen so I ended up passing out while watching Charlize get out of a big milk bath, passed out again and then thought I was hallucinating for a few minutes as I kept noticing all of the famous British actors’ faces on the dwarves. Lovejoy! The Other Capote! The not-quite-as-funny sidekick of Simon Pegg! – then passed back out again.

Seeing it in a proper cinema revealed that the costume design and special effects are pretty top notch. Some other things – the action sequences were okay but a bit long at times, probably shoulda done more with the things-expolding-into-Ravens stuff, the main characters were pretty stiff – aside from the wonder Charlize – she really needs to yell more in her movies, and take milk baths more often – especially the stoned-looking gal from those Twi-hard bookmovies. I’ll will give the producers of the film credit, they just didn’t give her many lines to say which is good because she has the acting range of a jar of mayonnaise. There were several times in the film where Snow White was addressed directly and her response was……crickets chirping…..a slight crooked smile, a head nod…..or just nothing. Now this might be a directorial choice or just a feature of GenY – whose members when confronted in real life tend to react the same way to directly addressed questions that aren’t texted to them – blank staring, indifference and a lack of comprehension.

Watching the 14 minutes of credits to see where the movie was filmed I was left with the same feeling as Prometheus – so many, many people worked on this film why or why didn’t they bother to write a decent script? There are three writers (one was the guy who wrote Drive and Killshot – two horrible scripts, one decent yet over-stylized movie and one movie that was one of the worst 21st century movies starring an amazing actor with the initials JGL and a killer fucking book by a legend) listed in the credits each with a AND which tells me that these guys all wrote separate drafts and the WGA reviewed all of them (wow, what a thankless job) to give them this split credit. Ok, other than thinking it might be a huge hit making them piles of $ why would you want your name on this script? Ok, dumb question, but still it reinforces the rule that when you see a movie with multiple credited screenwriters with the AND included, you know the movie has been torn apart many times at the story level to try and “make it work” for a mass audience. Usually a sign that the story is a turd, similar to the Transformers “movies.” Another point – movies REALLY need to stop trying so hard to setup sequels where they tease a lot of stuff in the first movie (John Carter), have all kinds of half-baked ideas (see Prometheus AGAIN) or leave off with an open ending

All right, it was that bad script-wise, I didn’t feel demeaned and dehumanized like those battling-robot movies did to me but still – how can you justify a script that calls for the wonderful & talented Charlize Theron* to disappear for like 35 minutes of screen time? I know it was called Snow White and not Evil Queen Ravenna’s Bad Week, whatever, she still was the best thing in the movie so she needed more time. Great costumes and set design though, and the big handsome Thor guy was pretty good too although I didn’t quite understand his creepy move at the end at the coronation scene thingy. Non-verbal communication to end a film? Interesting choice if it was a silent movie. Oh and the queen’s evil brother had a wicked-ass hairdo that I sure hope catches on amongst the hipsterati.

Wait for the DVD and get it for free from the library

* – Theron side-note – interested BIG TIME in the Mad Max reboot with the amazing TOM HARDY as the titular hero. Not excited by the Sinead-esque look for Charlize though….


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